long way home

I'm very proud of myself for i'm not moaning anymore. That makes me feel much, much better.
Now my aim is to choose proper coordinates to follow. I'll explain.
For today i have several ways to develop:

1. I can return to that nagging kind of girl and become a complete shit finally. it's very easy, believe me.
2. I can vanish in hundreds of different trifles like make up, diets, fashion...all in all, that feminine stuff. That is easy too and, btw, very pleasant.
3. I can immerge myself in my studies. Not very pleasant, but at least useful and moreover, this can take all my free-time, what can be beneficial.
4. I can spend all my time (i mean ALL) with my friends just to make sure that i'm yet not absolutely alone here. 
5. I can bury myself in cartonnage, decoupage, card-making, the things i normally do during holidays. It's so exciting that you can think of nothin while making another pair of earrings.
6. I can read. Well, sure, i read a lot all the time, but now i can read just not to think of anything else, except for the book.

Maybe i can do smth. else. sure, i can. But how to keep balanced doing all this at once, huh?

eat pray love.

Watched this film several days ago.
Well, you may say, that i'm yet too young to watch films like that, and surely i am, but i got smth. very important after.
Young woman in her 30's comes up to a conclusion that she lives a wrong life. It is not wrong, it's just not hers. She has a career, a husband, but she can't breathe, she's locked in this routine.
After divorce she decides to go travelling, what she thinks would be good for her reabilitation. And sure it is. It was a painful year of forgiveness and observation. Finally she understood that she can not be free till she's ready to forgive herself and believe in love again.
And then she questioned herself with: 'Do i want to be happy?' or smth...
That was the point i got for myself.
The only way to become happy and ready for new experience (no matter how pleasant or not it would be) is to stop suffering.
Suffer is like a drug. You start and then you can't stop because this sufferring becomes your stable condition. You are so exhausted that you'd rather find yourself in well-known kind of melancholy than go for smth. extremely new and unexpectable.
Ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation.
Your sadness shall never become smth. stable, it must give you an impulse to regenerate, to move straight, not looking back, but minding your experience somewhere at the back of your eyes.
That is the only way to recover. To find yourself ina brand-new image of the world around you.
Take a chance!

women's issues

gynecologist today strongly advised me to frequently change sexual partners. also mentioned that i need to have a stable sex at least once a week.
hmm ... scary to receive advice from doctors in my clinic
sin city 

i dream a dream

sittin' on the roof drinking wine (semi-dry, that's rather important). All the stars are staring at us from the reflection in our glasses. they float in wine and we float in the sky. your guitar is too gentle so it keeps silent. and so do we. there's still so much to be silent about.
and then i just woke up. it's really very sad to realise that all that just puffed away as soon as i opened my eyes.
but then i just decided to think a bit more about parallel universes. you know what? now i do really believe that our dreams can be a kinda projection of those parallel worlds, lives etc. that's rather funny, but,hell yeah, it gives me hope.
now waiting for another dream to come.
i hope that Angie from my dream is still happy sitting there on the roof with him. i wish you (me?) luck.
good-nighty night.

to-do list #1

Мда...
Купите Ане 3 рулона обоев, она переделает всю комнату. Именно так. Обои поклеены, но это было только начало.

1. Купить черный акрил для батареи, нарисовать клавиши на оной
2. Покрасить полки
3. Повесить полки
4. Покрасить пробковую доску, покрыть лаком
5. Сделать аппликацию на основную стену
6. Расставить всякую мелочь
7. Повесить пластинки
8. Перебрать библиотеку
9. Скомпановать АДЕКВАТНО библиотеку
10. Что-то сделать с вазочками.
11. Вернуть на стену Fly Cаrds'ы
12. Восхититься и описаться

Bad behaviour

Мысль взрастала три дня и три ночи. Днем голова вынашивала ее, словно зреющую грушу. А ночью он позволял мысли обретать плоть и кровь и висеть в тишине комнаты, освещаемой лишь деревенской луной да деревенскими же звездами. В молчании перед рассветом он рассматривал эту мысль со всех сторон. На четвертое утро протянул руку, уже невидимую, взял мысль в ладонь, поднес ко рту и сжевал всю, без остатка.

Ray Bradbury
The Time of Going Away
1956

First one.

Well, i used to have many blogs, but all that was rubbish.
This one is all new.
Why would I start it?
Just realized that twitter is not enough for me.
And that's it.